Sample Letter
Dear Dad,
Before I begin to say anything, I want you to know that I love you. I’m here today not only because I love you, but also because I’m very concerned about you. I’m concerned about what I have seen happen to you as direct result of your drinking. What I’m asking now is for you to listen to me. Listen carefully to what I’m going to say. It may be painful to hear but it is from the bottom of my heart.
When I was a boy we used to hunt and fish together. We used to play golf. Sometimes we would just get in your car and ride for hours going nowhere in particular, just enjoying our time together and stopping for a soda or for you to reminisce about some of your old escapades and stomping grounds. I’ve heard your stories so many times that I have most of them memorized but I’ve always enjoyed hearing them. I miss hearing them, Dad. I haven’t heard any of your stories in a long time. Mike (my brother) and I feel like our Dad is gone. You’re here physically but you’re gone. I miss you and I want my Dad back.
Dad, I have become convinced that you can’t stop drinking on your own. I see what a tremendous toll drinking has taken on you and on our relationship and on our whole family. I honestly don’t think you can stop drinking on your own. I think you need help and we have arranged professional help for you. What I’m asking for you to do today is to make the decision to accept the help we are offering you.
Last week I was in your garage looking for some jumper cables because Mom’s battery was dead in her car. The battery was dead because you had passed out in the car and left the lights on when you came home. You couldn’t even get out of the car and into the house. You slept in the car in the garage. Mom found an empty bottle of vodka on the floor of her car. There is a strong odor of urine in the car because you had wet your pants and the seat of the car was soaked in urine. When I was looking for the jumper cables I found three bottles hidden in the garage.
On New Year’s Day I came over with my wife and kids to have dinner and watch ballgames, like we’ve always done. You were drunk when we got here at noon. You didn’t even speak to your grandchildren after getting their names mixed up. You couldn’t even keep your grandchildren’s names straight, Dad. Mom tried to make excuses telling us that you weren’t feeling well but the smell of alcohol and the way you stumbled gave you away. You were drunk again.
Jay said he’s afraid of you, Dad. He doesn’t want to come over to your house anymore. And he doesn’t want you coming to any of his ballgames, either. You were screaming obscenities at his coach after he took Jay out of the game. Jay heard what you were yelling and he was ashamed. He knew you were drunk again. I asked him to come over here today and be a part of this, but he said he doesn’t care anymore. He just wants you to stay away from him. Dad, Jay is your first grandson.
We’re all scared, Dad. We see what alcohol is doing to you and to Mom. It’s killing you and it’s killing your marriage and our family. None of us can go on like this anymore and we’re tired of denying it any longer. We all got together last month and decided to try and get some help for you. We talked to his man right here who said if you are an alcoholic it’s good news. It’s good news because alcoholism can be treated and many people recover from the disease. We don’t think you’re a bad Dad, but we think you need help. He recommended a treatment center and we went there and talked with them and they said you could come there for help today. Please, Dad, I’m asking you decide to get help and accept the help we’ve arranged. I promise while you’re gone I’ll take care of Mom, your garden and the horses. And we’ll all come there and visit you.
I want you to go because I want our family to be like it used to be. I want your grandkids to know you like I knew you when I was growing up. I want you to take my kids and go driving them into town for sodas and to tell them all the stories you used to tell me. But, Dad, I have to draw the line. This can’t continue any longer. I have to protect my kids. If you’re willing to get help we’ll all be there for you. If you won’t get help we’re not coming over anymore and we don’t want you coming over anymore, either. Joy and I have talked and prayed about it. We can’t let our kids be around you when you’re drunk, and you’re drunk almost all the time. I know this will be very hard on Mom but we’ve had to make our decision. Now, Dad, will you make your decision to accept help? Your drinking doesn’t have to go on any longer, but it is your choice. We love you and we want you back.
Steve